I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
