I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
