Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
