She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
