the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
