Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
