I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize