I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
