Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
