This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You need Xanax blowdarts
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
