I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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