I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
my poor anus
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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