Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
