I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
