And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
