My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
