office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize