Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
