p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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