my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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