she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
