season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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