You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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