Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
