i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
worst night to have a conscience
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
