im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
