the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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