I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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