I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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