do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well you can't waste a boner
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
