Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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