absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
