I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
