So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did I show you my penis last night?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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