what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
