Need sex. Gaining weight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
