There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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