I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
