We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it glows. i had to have it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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