i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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