Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize