Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
operation harelip BJ is a go
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
