Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
