so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
