I hate your face
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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