she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
