The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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