So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
