i just google imaged poop.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
