hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
