Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
