She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize