I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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