singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
