His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
