This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
