Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
