Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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