How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize