9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
