Do you still have your period?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
