Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
