I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
