meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't notice because vodka
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
