So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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