based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
