So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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