Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
