We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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