what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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