**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
