chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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