Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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