No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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