My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize