Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
