Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
