I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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