If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
