I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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