Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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