My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize