Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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